Friday, 31 August 2007

Worship your heroes, courtesy of me

One of my many ventures is Virgin Comics, which I understand should be popular amongst the 10 to 15-year-old geeks out there. (I was always a sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll kid, myself. Which is how the Virgin empire began!)

But one comic hero was always close to my heart, Dan Dare. He was a swashbuckling pilot, going on adventures around the world. I've done my best to live up to him, and have to say I've largely out-classed him.

The Dan Dare comics ended almost 40 years ago, and they are long overdue for a renaissance, so that's what Virgin Comics is doing: bringing back a hero! This guy is the real deal, and I'm happy to say that Sir Dick played a part in bringing him to life again.

So look for more announcements on this soon. And if you don't want to look at real-life people for inspiration (for example, me), then you can at least find that inspiration in a comic-book-hero.

Thursday, 30 August 2007

Lord Foster, he's brilliant!

So I'm building a brand-new spaceport in New Mexico for Virgin Galactic, which is probably my most ambitious Virgin project ever. (And believe me, that's remarkable.) And I'm announcing next week that we've hired Lord Foster to design it.

Lord Foster, that sounds like a tosser's name, you say? You're an ignorant sod, I say.

Norm, as I like to call him, has designed a number of beautiful and groundbreaking buildings. Some of them look like phalluses, which I find amusing.

We're all hoping that he can do something phallus-like for Virgin Galactic, too. It will help remind you of our incredibly hot flight attendants on Virgin Atlantic and Virgin America. But since it's an entire spaceport in the middle of the damn desert of New Mexico, he might not get the same inspiration. We'll see.

Anyway, look for the news on this next week. But remember, Sir Dick gave you the information first!

PS- Please remember that you can still donate to the support fund for the families of the victims of the explosion at the company that's building my rocket.

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

New Zealand, you're welcome

I know, I know. Everyone is still talking about how I got in a little splashing contest with Stephen Colbert. Yes, you can even see it online now. But I'm here to talk about something else.

New Zealand, you're welcome. My new airline service to your little country will end the price-pillaging you've had to endure for far too long from Air New Zealand. The subsidiary of Virgin Blue, Pacific Blue, will now be competing against those ignorant old sods that used to be your only choice for inter-country travel.

That's what you can count on from Virgin... great service for low prices. (And don't forget our incredibly hot flight attendants!)

Yes, I know the picture above is of a "Virgin Blue" plane, not a "Pacific Blue" plane. My people are working on it.

Friday, 24 August 2007

It's a long Bank Holiday weekend!

Hello, fellow Virgin-ites!

It's nearly the Bank Holiday weekend, so don't expect to hear from me for a few days. I'll still be working the whole time, but I like to call it "strategic thinking." (Also known as lying back and calling my minions as inspiration strikes. There are about 15-20 new businesses I see Virgin getting into in the next week or two, and I need some more time mulling them over before I make my decision and set the Virgin Group into motion.

Ah... it'll be a beautiful weekend. Have a great holiday, yourselves.

Warm regards,
Sir Dick

Thursday, 23 August 2007

Are you scared?

So there are some real losers out there, who somehow are scared of flying. What?? You have a better chance of dying on a London Underground escalator than you do of flying. (Not that I ever take the Tube, of course... it's something my advisors tell me.)

Well, as always, Virgin is coming to the rescue. We've started this "Flying Without Fear" course to help people get over their irrationality. (Or at least the fear of flying irrationality.) More can be found on it here:

Flying Without Fear

So if you're scared of flying, come try it out. And if getting over your fear doesn't convince you, you'll also get a photo of yours truly. (Suitable for framing, naturally.)

Warm regards,
Sir Dick

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Virgin HQ moving to the British Virgin Islands

This London weather has gotten to be too much. I haven't told my advisors yet, but I'm going to move all of the Virgin businesses down to the British Virgin Islands. NOT Necker Island, that's still mine, but close by.

Sure, there might be a hurricane or two where we'll need to re-locate from the islands, but it's better than staying here in this cold, rainy, windy city. I'm getting irritated by this constant s**t weather... it's August!

I'm seriously reconsidering my commitment to stopping global warming, and instead thinking of starting fires in rubbish bins across London just to help heat things up. This is getting ridiculous.

(Trying to stay) warm regards,
Sir Dick

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Virgin Private Equity

As I finally get my hands out of the day-to-day details, Sir Dick is finally able to get back to my strategic business roots. (You know, the ones where I can lay in my hammock on my island and just think about everything.)

Well, the New York Times (the "black widow" of American newspapers, or something like that) has a little article talking about the Virgin Group becoming more like a private equity firm. So what, I say! I'm Richard Branson, and can do whatever the hell I want to with my companies. So now I want to bring all of my hard work public... that's bad now? Crazy Yanks.... no wonder we let them go.

You can see their article (cleverly disguised as a "blog post") here.

Monday, 20 August 2007

Don't think I'm quitting; I'm just getting started!

So it's clear that it's been a while since I've been a hands-on businessman; I'm more the big-picture strategy head. And I've finally gotten rid of the little hands-on duties that I've been saddled with for a while. See here:

What I'm focusing on now is all these new business ideas that I've been ruminating over for months and years. Now that I don't have to deal with any of the s**t that comes with actually implementing it, I can just be the face of Virgin success. Brilliant, wouldn't you say?

Get ready world. Virgin Stationary, Virgin Computers, Virgin Double-Glazed Windows and more are on their way!

Warm regards,
Sir Dick

Thursday, 16 August 2007

Blog lessons from me

Greetings, everyone.

A blog on entrepreneurialship is doing a series of posts with lessons from yours truly, Sir Dick. He's taking some of my quotes and writing a little more around them. The first four are here:

How to Identify an Opportunity:
Don't Do it for the Money:
Focus on the Business:
Build a Solid Team: (with bonus photo of me in ice hockey kit)

Let's show this "Young Entrepreneur" a little Virgin love, all!

Warm regards,
Sir Dick

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Virgin America... Yes, we're even Geek cool

Unlike the Codfish Colbert, Wired magazine in the States actually took the time to take a flight on Virgin America and tell everyone just how cool the service is.

Check it out here.

The first paragraph says it all:

Virgin America launched its U.S. air service yesterday, and immediately staked a claim as the most geek-friendly airline yet invented. It's also one of the most comfortable and pleasant to fly in -- and it's reasonably priced.

Once again, America... you're welcome.

Warm regards,
Sir Dick

Me and Colbert... the Codfish

So Colbert's television overlords decided to grow some bollocks, and will be airing the little segment I taped with him. Good for them, but dangerous, as the public will get to see his slimy side (finally!).

Look out for it next week in the States. If you're here in the UK... too bad! (It'll be up on some video site soon.)

The Codfish has got to be glad I haven't started Virgin Solicitors yet; that would be the end of him and his television channel!

Details on airing here:

Sunday, 12 August 2007

My waterfight with Stephen Colbert - the REAL story

I am completely hacked off with Stephen Colbert. He's a whinging chav in a suit. How the hell he gets off treating guests on his show like he does, I'll never understand. I've just been stewing about this on my own, but since the story has apparently hit the blogs, I've got to tell my side.

So I'm on his show, and he's going on and on, trying to get me to sign some piece of s**t. I'm Richard Branson, and run 250 different companies! I don't sign anything unless it's been through the right advisors on my team (believe me, I totally f**k things up if I don't.) Anyway, next thing I know he's wrapping up the interview without even mentioning Virgin America, my gift to the airline industry of America. Well, I show him what I think about that by throwing my cup of water in his face. Take that, arsehole! Well, then he managed to get some water of his own, and threw it at me. Then the time for the interview was really over.

Stephen is a slimy codfish, and completely dis-respectful of his guests. Some of you may think I have been a bit laddish with my water throwing bit, but I don't give a toss. I'm not an uptight corporate CEO who's going to take s**t from a slimy codfish and not fight back.

Of course, if this is the first time you're hearing about this event, you can check out more here.

My advisors tell me that the Codfish actually has the bollocks to air our little waterfight, so you'll be able to see it soon.

Thursday, 9 August 2007

America, You're Welcome. Warm Regards, Sir Dick

You've been living in aviation squalor for years now, poor Americans. Though some of you have had the opportunity to fly the bright future that is Virgin Atlantic, I'm proud to have been part of the group to get Virgin America off the ground.

(According to the lawyers, I have to be careful how I phrase my involvement. Some of your regulators got their pants/panties in a bundle because they thought an Englishman, aka foreigner, had too much control over Virgin America. Bollocks! You think I have time to micromanage??? I'm starting three new businesses a week! The only reason I haven't formed a Virgin Law partnership is because the rest of the lawyers would tie me up in knots getting it going... not to say that I'm still not thinking about it.)

Back to the main story, Virgin America. Try it out! We've got all the fancy new equipment all the way up to and including a network for every seat on the plane. Plus, you think we hire flight attendants that aren't hot?? We screen for that from the start. VA has a special door they have to get through for one interview, which eliminates the fatties. There are other tricks we've got to keep the fit (but ugly) ones out. Rest assured, you'll have a fantastic experience on board Virgin America, and for a competitive low price. ($139 one-way from San Francisco to New York!) Say "goodbye" to the mess of jetblue, bi-coasters.

Just thank me... Sir Dick.

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Total, laddish idiots

You may have seen some of Virgin Media's adverts lately. In fact, a couple of months ago, you couldn't have missed them if you tried here in the UK. There's a bit of problem here; they're not really Virgin.

NTL:Telewest (an evil, dasterdly telecom company) bought Virgin Mobile a while back so that they could combine their offerings to provide mobile, land-line, telephone, and broadband access. But they also bought rights to the Virgin brand to re-label it all. (Let's face it, Virgin is infinitely more hip than NTL:Telewest.)

Now they f**king it all up, and dragging Virgin's brand with them through the mud.

Some of you may say I was the idiot for selling it to the evil telecom company. Well, remember that while I'm Virgin, there were other investors, too, and we sold for a s**t-ton of money. In fact, buying and selling when I did gave me one of the best returns on my investment in my entire career. So bollocks to you all who think I should have kept it!

I just hope that one of these days they pull their collective heads out of their arses. Preferably, before their license to the Virgin brand is up.

More here:

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Mile High club at 19

Yes, it happened. Guess what? I'm male, and I love women... always have.

It seems every six months or so, some newspaper has a slow news day and write a story about what I did forty years ago. Good on them, I say... America is a little too "Puritanical" for me. I think that's why Virgin has flourished a little more easily in Europe. (You'd think with all the parents in the US wanting their kids to stay Virgins until they get married that we might get a little more out of the name, but they're probably scared of our rock-and-roll roots.)

Anyway, today's brilliant scoop of my sex life is provided by The Post Chronicle:

Cheers, all.